no more 3x5

so does anyone know john mayer? he has an amazing song that according to my memory goes a little like this...

you should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life.
you'll be with me next time i go outside
no more 3x5

maybe i will tell you all about it when i'm in the way to loose my way with words...

there is something about trying to capture a moment and then share it with your friends that weren't actually there. something is lost in the transition. the 2 d version does and can not replace real life. i have spent 18 months trying to get everything on film possible so that you one day can see all these people that you have imagined for so long.

and the lord sent me a message today.

stop. look. enjoy alone.

i need to stop worring about capturing the moment and start enjoying it.

and so my camera, to convey this message, was stollen this afternoon. all memory cards included.

and so it goes.

i was on ville as they say getting all your last minute cheesy greeting cards and some where in transition, the holder of my memories was swept away like leftover fish at vieux port. and well i cried. i haven't exactly accepted it yet. but i'm working on it.

john mayer would really help but well i can't actually listen to music just yet...

so i'm coming home in a few days. that's weird but not that weird. it's harder knowing these last 6 weeks exisit only in my heart but well...maybe it was ment to be like that.

school classes are all closed. what does that mean. i'm not sure. but well...it will figure itself out.

know what is the coolest part though? i saw lydie coming out of virgin records as i was going in. 5 minutes after the "discovery of the missin camera" and she huged me and laughed and said thank god that we were lead to each other.

honestly. thanks god.

a fun little letter for you written by some missinary some time ago. maybe it willmake you laugh. maybe you won't understand. sometimes it's just like that...

Mission Français de Toulouse
4 rue alaric II
compans cafferelli
31000 Toulouse

Dear Family and Friends of Sister Shai Rasmussen

By virtue of the astounding, if not mind boggling total of 18 months wonderfully accumulated and composed of toil, work, bites, sweat, tears, and joy, the missionary committee has decided that the time has come for these callused feet to take a rest. Very soon, the undersigned will once more be in your midst, clothed in rags, tanned to the collar and elbow, but full of love for the gospel, to again take her place in the Gentile world.

in making the joyous preparations to welcome the before mentinoed into that Gentile world, it is advised to keep in mind the different environment that has influeced her life for the past 18 months. Once would be advised to stok the kitchens with an aboundance of milk, Oreo cookies, penut butter, jello, rootbeer, corn on the cob, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. Please disposed of any signs of cheap pasta, boiled eggs, mineral water, and whole seafood. Try to be understanding when she refuses to eat duck liver or when she has uncontrollable cravings for Camembert, flan, pain au chocolate, baguettes, couscous, quiche, or paella.

Don't take it personally if he expects you to serve meals in courses. Please do not be disturbed when he eats with her elbows on the talbe, tears hunks of bread off the loaf with her bear hands and wipes her plate with it. She might also be surprised if you forget to offre cheese and gruit before dessert.

Be sure to have a full tank of hot water. REmember that she is sused to having to decide between washing herself, her clothes, or the dishes. She may also be surprsed that the showerhead is permanently attached to the wall and there is a place, not only for the soap and shampoo, but room to turn around. Do not be alarmed when she looks with surprise and a drinking fountain or a dishwasher and asks what it is for.

the poor wasted woman will probably scream and run wild should you mentino roaches, carte de sejour paperwork, dog droppings, waiting in line, strikes, cigarette smoke, Elders, bikes, wind, nudity, teens on scooters or Arab men. It's also very possible that she will mumble " tourist" every time she hears a group of people speaking english.

For the first few weeks, until she finders herself and recovers from jet lag, be careful to accept in an understanding way her broken English. A simple requst for translation will be sufficient when she slips into French or speaks franglais. Remain calm if she can't sleep later than 6:30 and gets up to do comp study. Do not plan any activities late at night, as she will automatically fall asleep at 10:30 pm. And remember, it takes only a minor calcuation to discover that when he says he has an appointement ant 14:30 he will be leaving at 2:30pm

Take into consideratin her when she calls you Soeur or Elder and tries to kiss your cheeks or shake your hand repectively. She will have the tendency to anser the phone "bonjor les missionaries." do not question why her only topic of conversation is the sount of France, amis, and missinaory work. Do not think him impudent when she preaches to you for an hour on joseph smith, the commandements, or how to pray.

don't be embarrassed when she greets everyone she sees, or when she tells you "we can't go the the store becuase it's noon," or tries to find someone to pay at the public restroom. Gently remind her that she is in the states now and she can't take two hour lunch break. Remain calm when she steps out recklessly in frount of cars, or expects them to pull up on the sidewalks if they slow down next to her.

You are hearby warned and duly cautioned to treat the newly deliverd RM with great care, courtesy, affection, and respect. Humor her in every way. She is used to haveing a companion, so don't be alarmed when she follows you everywhere you go. She will definitely show tendencies to shake hands with everyone at meetings, say "au revoir" instead of goodbye, make a clicking noise and wave her finger for "no" and a sharp intake of breath for "yes" With lots of kindness, tolerance, patience, and love she will resemble the pre-missinary speciemen you once knew.

Do not be alarmed if she does nto respond to her name. You may call her Sister, Americaine, Mormon, tourist, Amish, Temoin Jehovah...and she will probably answer.

Send no more mail to this address-this is it. she's coming home.


love you

shai

louez louez gloire a jesus halleluia

am i going home or am i home?
will i see my family or am i leaving it?
will i rediscover who i am?
or am i leaving who i am in the south of france?

am i leaving my own bed for my own bed?
i'm going from now familiar streets to streets that once were
from songs that i now know to songs i knew
is tv really as good as i don't remember missing?

to the angles that are watching over me
can i take you home with me?

or am i already home?

well dear friends and family. these are the words that came to me through the trees and rosemary and thyme and cade during my 7 hour hike with a beautiful woman called lydie. we spent the day in the nature. i spent the day with God. and i tried to accept the fact that i'm going home. and something spoke to my soul, maybe it was the bees buzzing around our bagette of olives and dried fruit that wispered to my spirit - you are home.

and that, my friends is truth.

at church on sunday everyone is greeted with a cute little french bisous, a friendly kiss on the cheek to all who is considered familiar. but with the plaque i can not bisous a man. it's just like that. everyone knows. well sunday standing in a group of members bishop when around passing out bisous and he came to me and started to lean in. we both realized that oops that's not actually allowed to happen. and he looked at me and said that he is just so used to seeing my face around that i seem like family to him. i'm a member of the ward. i wish i was. how i wish i was.

last tuesday, serge took us for african food. and nadiya came to keep us obedient. and she called her friends. and we foudn ourselves in a small resturant with lots of friends and the most amazing fried plaintains ever. stear clear of ginger drinks after dinner but other than that it was absolutly excellent. and becuaes we finished dinner at 9 the metro was no longer availible to drive us home. and we had to pass by the train station to pick up some strayed sisters (story later) that my little group of friends traversed the beautiful city of marseille on foot. and we laughed and i had no desire to go in and keep my curfew. how much i love them...

i'm leaving home for home. in 14 days it's finished. no more door to door. no more nylons. no more planning and not eating. no more hand shake only. no more 10:30 lights out. no more sonia or lydie or nadiya or serge or bernard...oh bernard how i love him. or mami odette. or french bagettes or yougurt and granola breakfast...or bishop...george, craig the scottish guy, madame bruno. how do you live with out the people you love. i've survived for these 18 months becuaes there is a promise of return. but now...what will i do?

many if not everyone is prophesying my future. and many if not all promise me enormous happiness. blanchard claims an amazing charming beautiful man that will give me only the most beautiful children. lydie had a flash and saw me so happy as a cherished wife. madame bruno said that He is from new york but will appreciate a great stroll at palais longchamp. michelle knows becuaes God reasured her that i will be found by him.

who knows? apperantly they all do.

and mary elise, roselyne. the deangelis, astrucs, conts, sordais, ridet, sr trabaut... it just can't be happening.

so here's a funny story. the aix soeurs came down last week to pass the afternoon. they brought ludo and harold with them. and we laughed and it was great. and they had to leave for a conference and harold had to leave for an interview. and ludo went to the train station to see them all off. problem is the soeurs hopped the train with all his affaires. and he found himself lost at the train station without a wallet, phone, or way to go anywhere. the sissters called us. i pulled haakey out of the shower. we caught a metro and went on a ludo hunt. we took ludo with us to see serge and it turned out great anyway. but we didn't know the sisters got to montpeilier and tured right back around and came back to marseille. they started calling about 8:00 and i realized about 9. so we passed by the trainstation on our little promenade home. and they stayed the night and it was fun. they also stayed the next day and it wasn't quite as fun. we went on exchanges and i got little miss i love my mission girl. and i didn't love all her scripture quoting and hymn humming and out of control testifying. i honestly didn't like it. i expecially didn't like it when our rendezvous fell through and i was stuck with out option. she did teach me about a lady with a house in rowanda that would let me pass the summer with her. that's somehting. at least right? it was a crazy day and well...it mad ethe time go by slowly but really fast.

oh yeah and an american family came to church on sunday and i bore my testimonly and they said i talk like a native. they wouldn't have been able to tell. that's awesome. they looked sooooo american. i mean really really american. it's not their fault.

other thoughts...spanish rice and guacomole is really good. i hate getting second guessed by other people. i don't do well with authoritative unexplained nos. expecially from 20 year old boys. i love budda but he just doesn't get the job done. and i'm so i love with these people.

an old salvation army man that lives in switzerland sent some tapes in english to bernard. and bernard shared them with us when my heart was hurting. and my soul was searching for something. relif of some kind. and this little old song from this old record said

i dont have to cross jordan alone.
he did for my sins atone
in the darkenss i see
he'll be waiting for me

i don't have to cross jordan alone.

and that, my friends is truth.

i love you

shai