dancing in the rain

well...we've done it.

marie-elise and joel are the newest members of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. was it beautiful? yes. was it moving? well yes. did i feel like i was on top of the world? not really. and i'm not exactly sure why.

I was looking at myself in the mirror last night and wondering if I see what the Lord sees? am I who the lord sees me as? who he wants me to be? and i feel like i'm not there. after 16 months i'm still not there. and i know i know that we don't stop growing until we are dead and that's all good and well for a hallmark card but i really feel like i'm missing something. something in myself is not quite whole yet.

but it was very good to see these two faithful courageus people go down into the water. and i felt really good that i was able to be a part of their lives. and help them in some way. it felt good to be helpful.

my aunt said that she learned some of her best lessons the last few weeks of her mission. my dad baptised the last few weeks of his. i'm kind of scared to do either. i feel overwhelmed at the amont of work that awaits me. i feel very alone at the unequally yoked work load. and it's motstly because i don't allow myself to trust enough to share the work load with another.

but my zone leader does karate. my district leader dances hip hop and my comp eats chocolate for breakfast.

and last night...i just couldn't support anymore stress or take anymore burden and so we unloaded our bags, and went for a dance in the rain.

and it felt good.

maybe one day i'll figure it out. maybe soon the prayers of a three year old will reach me and i will actually smile.

i saw un umbrella this morning that said qu'il pluie. and it reminded me of an entry that i wrote a few months ago, it could be a year,i'm not sure. but well vive the pluie right? long live the rain.

bring it on. i'm sure as heck not strong enough to do it. but well i know God is sending his angles to bear me up. he promised me.

rain is good for the hair. and puddle jumbing is so refreshing for 16 month worn feet.

dancing is way better without an umbrella anyway.

shai