week 4

Wow! Week 4 down. And what a week it was. Talk about tears and struggles and prayers and faith. I'm working on it.

Sometimes well everytime it hurts when God is trying to mold you and form you one way and you resist His Hand. I'm being formed in a direction I'm scared of, so I'm resisting. I think by resisting I am saving myself. My Identity. My Personality. Me. I'm trying to save Me from the One that made Me. You, most likely, see the obvious error in my efforts.

The fish is the last to notice water.

And as a fish happily swimming in my fishbowl of perspectives, naturally it hurts when i'm told to be an eagle. To fly. I don't want to fly. I want to swim in my fish bowl. I like the view. I get flakes of who knows what every morning. Little kids bang on the glass. I'm happy being a fish. Leave me alone.

But some Master Fisherman keeps telling me i'm not a fish. I'm an eagle. and I could fly and see more than a 1 sided reflection of myself. i could see all of His creation and Feel the joy of flying. I could rise above the physical and enjoy more than I can understand from so many years of being a fish. Trust. Fly.

It's hard.

Nov 29: Everything went wrong today. No doctor pepper. My camera. Everything is messed up. So I bought a sweater. I feel better.

Nov 30: Sandrine was there for her appointment. Miracle #1. She asked so many great questions. She still wants to be baptised on Dec 24th. We left her a magazine last week with a talk from president hinckly on christmas. Turns out there was also an article about someone who got baptised on Christmas eve too. We totally didn't know. But what the miracle! We were interviews for 2 hours today by two girls doing research on Mormons. It was fun. I can't believe they let me speak for the church.

Dec 1: Missionary Things day. Eating at this fast food resturant called quick. It's belgian. But they serve you and bring your trays to you and serve your desert after dinner. French fast food. And I got this Chocolate Fondue. Yummyyy.... I also bought Oreos today. 5 bucks for 16 oreos. Totally worth it. Soeur Aagard sent me a letter that totally made my day. I love that girl.

Dec 2: President's Interviews. he's such a man of God. I cried like a little kid. And i didn't have any tissue. So my gloves got the brunt end of my hysteria. Gross.

Dec 3: Rainbow. Sweet. Taking control of our Rendez-vous with Mary Burnadette. It helps to teach with the lights on, the TV off. My umbrella, Ruby, just freeked out today. I think she is as sick of Bordeaux rain as I am. Finding old Cowboy shirts and the church and then doing the boot scooting boogie in our apartment to mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Dec 4: Old Ladies in crazy tights and old lady shoes. Getting an answer directly to my questions during church today. amazing how that works. Capris and boots. love it. Singing as a group of misisonaries in downtown bordeaux. A little girl stood in front of us and asked us to sing for her. We sang Joy to the world and afterword she said "ca me fait plurer." That made me cry. She's 7 and her little sister Mary Lou is 3. It was so beautiful.

Dec 5: Being on a french college campus. It's not UCO. Teaching a lesson over tithing and fasting. I'm so greatful my parents taught me that it works. I know it works. And I could say that with my whole heart.

Fly.

Love Shai

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