There is no epidiral for spiritual rebirth - darhma and greg commercial

Every day is a fresh beginning
every morning is a world made new.
-Stationary from my mom

There are times, it seems that God trhows a socmic switch that moves the tracks beneath us, hurling our lives head long in a new and uncertain direction. of these times just two things are certain: It's best we don't know what's ahead. We can never go back.
-The sunflower by richard paul evans

We talk of th future as if it will come.
we talk of the past as if it was better.
why don't we talk of the day in our eyes?
-my musings on a park bench

Wow what a week. what a year. what a lifetime.

have you ever just woke up and wonderd what the crap am i doing with my life? what the crap is going on around here? When did i loose sight on who i am and where i want to be?

new years is a great time for that. for me it came two days after. i remeber saying to my parents on the phone last week that i was a crap missionary and we laughed and moved back to the conversation of raw stinky oysters as an appetizer for the french lovers christmas. but that sentence stuck in my head running around in those brief moments right before sleep and drying off after getting out of the shower.

side note: what is with the cosmic forces that work in the bathroom? it seems like my most profound thinking occurs during my daily ritualistic activities. maybe its becuase the lack of though required creates a moment for thinking?

anyway - i realized. crap. i really am not the missionary, the person, i was sent her to be. i'm not. president says for silver to be refined it has to be pure silver. for clay to be molded it has to be pure clay.

i remember fliping through the channel a few years ago and seing an add for darhma and greg. i really like that girl. one she has cute hair and a mona lisa closet curtain thing. and two she's spunky and free and full of random remarks that are rebuttled by her down to earth practicle husband. it rings so close to home that i never watch it. but that day i caught the caterpiller that just today found itself blossoming in my spirit.

there IS no epideral for spiritual rebirth. there can't be. we have to feel every step. every painful inch by inch progression forward. the molding. the refining. "the wicked spirit being rooted out" and a new being being created.

Imagine a spiritual root canal. All the old goo has to come out for it the tooth, i imagine, to be saved.

luckily, the saviour is a master dentist, master gynocologist. uh..ok maybe that is the first time Christ has ever been refered to as a gyno. Please don't start shouting "blaspheme! blaspheme!" Save your condemnation for the self righteous. You can shout " fou! Fou!" if you want. that means crazy crazy in french and THAT is entirely true.

I feel the spiritual rebirth happening and i'm glad there is a Master Hand there to guide the process.

Honesty, i'm so lucky to have a second chance well a 50 millionth chance to improve.

we are so lucky to have a day to grow closer to the Lord.
We are so lucky to have a day to grow.
We are so lucky to have a day.

Everyday is a fresh beginning. make the most of yours.

Love shai

I promise the Return of the Miracles. Dun dun da donnn. (imagine the sound of a cheesy trumpet anthem) They are still there and still coming. However the temporary misplacement of my oh so beloved journal caused a disruption in the process. Fret not my dear loved ones. The miracles have been noticed and written. It is just taking me time to arrange all the sticky notes, napkin scraps, and paper shreads.

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