change is inevitable but oh so undesireable

well the era of happy days is ending. soeur kim has been ripped from my grasp and haphazardly placed in the city where i spent last fall. the city of roses. i'm not sure if you remember. thornes. good. bad. roses. all rolled into one controdicting, frightening, painful experience. she'll love toulouse. i loved tolouse. but well...i love her. i don't want a new companion. i don't want to share this city with anyone else. i don't want to settle when i know what it's like to be so happy.

and well it's official that i'm on president's crap list. you should hear the things he told my compaion about me. what a low blow.

but our amis are doing good. 3 baptisms this transfer. good member relationships. it could be worse. i could have a really crappy city and no hope at all. at least my city is really good. i hate to send such depression over the internet and that this is the only side of me that you are seeing but well...i've never been so hot at hiding feelings. i'm not deep enough to preconcive masked emotions. i am what i am and well i've had to accept that. flawed. fatter than last time you saw me. broken hearted at the loss of a friend. scared for the next three months. hurting for the litteral dicension from the grace of my president. so obviously unimportant but such a painful reality. but i do good things too. i am helping some. i am being an instrument in the life of someone.

right?

shai